NEWBOLD BAPTIST CHURCH WEB SITE Milnrow Road, Rochdale, United Kingdom

I Hated God I HATED GOD !  In 1973 I learned that my two and a half year old daughter had leukaemia, and I put the blame whole heartedly on God. If there was a God how could he let my daughter suffer so much ? I became so anti-God that I even stopped my son and daughter (when she was in remission) from attending the school assemblies, because they sang hymns and prayed. In 1975 my husband saw a TV programme featuring a Christian centre in Kent, where a 14 year old girl had been healed of Leukaemia. Without my knowledge he wrote to them and they accepted us as a family. They said that God doesn't just heal diseases, He makes people whole, and that's why all four of us were invited to go. When I found out, I was livid ! I did not want to be a hypocrite, but agreed to go simply for a rest, as I was already exhausted and at the end of my tether ! While we were there one of these Christians tried to explain to me about original sin, and how we were all born into it. I found it all too much, and my anger flared up again !

On the Thursday of that week I found myself sat at the back of the chapel wondering what life was all about. When our turn came to go forward to the altar I said to God, "If you're flaming well there, then prove it to me !" From that moment I started to shake uncontrollably. I could not stop myself. Around this time my daughter was taken back to the bedroom because she was extremely tired. At the end of the service I hurried out of church as fast as my wobbly legs would carry me. When I was in the open, a pain shot through my body putting me in a state of shock. It was if a huge invisible hammer had hit me on the head, and I was vibrating underneath it, as in a cartoon ! Eventually I managed to get back to our bedroom, where I was greeted by my daughter, full of life, laughter and excitement because she had just seen a rabbit ! Where was the exhausted little girl that had left me just 15 minutes before ? She continued to improve, eating double portions of food where previously she had refused almost all her meals. She slept all through the night, and wheras before we had to push her in a wheel-chair she walked everywhere and even ran ! By now I knew there was a God, and He had proved Himself to me, which is all I asked Him to do. My daughter stayed well for a month, but then started to deteriorate. Eventually she died. I could not understand why, but at that time I knew nothing about God's promises to me or of His plans for me. Almost 10 years later, after having left my husband, I felt the need to go to church. I'm sorry to say that I came away feeling much worse than before ! Six months later after my third visit to the same church, having still not found what I was looking for, I gave God an ultimatum. I told Him that if He had put these feelings inside me, and He wanted me to go to church, then He must find me the right church. I wasn't going back to that one again, they were all a bunch of hypocrites ! On the Thursday of the same week, while I was waiting at the school gates (by this time I had had 2 more girls) a friend spoke to me. She had overheard a conversation with other mums about our arrangements to see a medium that night. She advised me not to go, and continued to tell me how 6 weeks previously she had "found Jesus", and had been filled with His Holy Spirit. She told me how fantastic Jesus is, and I began to get really excited ! Crazy as she sounded, I knew she was telling the truth ! We stood talking for an hour, and the last thing she said was "Why don't you come to our church on Sunday ?" It was at that moment I realised that God had answered my prayer. After much internal battling I decided to go. After 3 weeks, I became convicted of my own sin, for the first time in my life ! I wept bucketfuls of tears, and repented of my sin. I asked God to forgive me, cleanse me and make me whole. I accepted Jesus into my heart to be my Saviour and Lord. To this day 18 years later, He has never left me, nor forsaken me. He has been my constant friend, provider, healer, comforter and deliverer (emotionally, mentally and physically). He has healed me of all the pain, anguish, fear, grief, sorrow, loneliness, anger, guilt, rejection and torment that I felt on the inside. He has given me a heart of flesh and taken away my heart of stone. I am so grateful to Him; these words cannot convey the love I have for Him, simply because he first loved me ! Jean Hallwood. Shaw "God so loved the world (YOU) that He gave His only Son (to die on a cross) that whoever believes on Him shall not perish, but shall have eternal life." John 3: 16 This is the real story of an ordinary woman whose life has been transformed by the power of God. If you would like to know more, or even speak to Jean, we would welcome you to: Newbold Church, Milnrow Road, Newbold, Rochdale. Sunday services at 10.30am and 6pm. If you would like a visit (and live reasonably locally) E-mail Jean. Jesus said.."I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me". John 14:6     Return to Home Page